Welcome back and a belated happy New Year to all.
A new year also allows many of us to spiritualise over past and present. Whether a year passed represents milestone or millstone, hope it is said, springs eternal. Even a shameless skeptic like myself can’t help but pause and revive a flagging faith in human nature.
Meanwhile, back in the known universe and indeed blogosphere, I feel mildly disappointed that I’ve not been insulted in at least five different languages by now. What’s wrong with Edwin’s withering wit eh? Is my lampoonery limp, my pasquinade passé or my ridicule redundant? Don't I deserve a fatwā too?
Onward…and to Uganda, favoured stalking-ground for nutty American Evangelicals…
CASTING THE FIRST (ROLLING) STONE
October 2010 saw the first publication of the now infamous Ugandan ‘newspaper’, Rolling Stone - no relation to the U.S. magazine of the same title. Indeed, the lack of ingenuity regarding the title derived from several near calamitous attempts at naming this borderline-literate rag. ‘Tumbling Turd’ vied for pole position with ‘Careening Coprolite’ (fossilised shit). Despite both names having been considered ‘eminently appropriate’ by expert marketing gurus, the editor opted for a less risqué baptism.
Prior to a High Court injunction, Rolling Stone published a lead story ‘100 pictures of Uganda’s Top Homos Leak’. The truly reprehensible aspect of this great ode to Parnassus (aside from the grammar) was the fact that names and addresses of alleged offenders were published along with the banner ‘hang them’. This rallying cry for ochlocracy didn’t go unanswered. Victims of the ensuing mob violence included a woman who was seriously injured and forced to flee her home in order to evade a biblical-style stoning. (Erm, I’m not a Christian but isn’t there something about casting stones in the Gospel of John?)
The article also asserted that the homosexual movement [?] were actively engaged in a recruitment drive for kids as part of their dastardly worldwide takeover. (Hang on a second - aren’t they confusing gay folks with the Holy See or something?) Presumably this indoctrination involves playing Liberace songs to the intended victims while encouraging them to wear sequined ball gowns and nibble gingerly at dainty cakes…? Or perhaps the editor favours slightly more far-fetched and disingenuous stereotyping?
Next from this repository of rancour came the startling headline ‘Men of Shame II’ featuring that other great scourge of society - the ‘generals’ the clandestine homosexual cabal. Apparently, these monstrous military masterminds included liberal clergymen within their ranks. In the next breath, Rolling Stone asserted that ‘Homos raid schools’. I imagine these were effete interior designers whose delicate aesthetic sensibilities compelled them to offer their services pro bono?
I could attempt to elaborate over ensuing muck-raking headlines like: ‘Homosexual generals plotted Kampala terror attacks’. But y’know, I’m beginning to wonder if I’m not undergoing some out-of-body experience here. We are evidently straying into the realms of Fortean Times and a world of paranormal phenomenae. One can only speculate at what further diabolical horrors await... ‘Frenzied faggots enjoy fondle-fest in maternity ward’ or ‘Extraterrestrial bum-bandits kidnap kids for mass rectal probing experiment’…?
Meanwhile back on earth, one can’t help but wonder who’s been stirring up this disgorging sewer of hatred? Is it entirely the brainchild of managing editor, Giles Muhame? It seems doubtful since both in print and on Youtube I’ve rarely seen a more convincing impersonation of an ignoramus. In fact this person’s histrionic and downright fantastical editorials would barely make the grade as childrens’ fiction, let alone journalism. Here are some examples:
‘It has also come to our knowledge that some youths’ butts have been shattered by merciless homosexuals.’
No source, bibliography or research paper is cited as corroboration (because none exists?) Or could it be that Mr. Muhame is simply indulging his erotic fantasies and concocts this rot while jerking off?
‘This investigative newspaper has hundreds of files implicating some top homosexuals in sexual harassment and spreading sexually transmitted diseases with impunity.’
Naturally, these ‘hundreds of files’ are as yet unpublished and therefore unsubstantiated (gosh, what a surprise!). Erm, ever heard the term ‘journalistic veracity’ Mr. Muhame?
‘...these homosexuals need to refocus their energies to seeking the grace of God.’
Ha ha, yes, all hail the mighty prophet Muhame - great arbiter of human ethics! Might I suggest, Mr. Muhame, you dust off your dictionary and look up the words ‘sanctimonious’ and ‘prick’ ?
In fact the Rolling Stone editor is sufficiently conceited to profess that he’s on a mission to ‘save the moral fabric of our nation [Uganda] and preserve cultural values.’
Delusions of grandeur… megalomania? Or does this man regard himself as the rightful successor to Idi Amin?
Since Giles Muhame advocates a ‘final solution’ for homosexuals (‘hang them’) it would suggest that he has more than a grudging sympathy with Nazi ideology. This, despite the occasional back-peddling statement like ‘we are not advocating violence against any group in the country.’ Really? So I suppose hanging someone is just a kindly act of Christian charity, yes?
The whole fevered polemic of Rolling Stone echoes the sentiments of Nazi newspaper Der Stürmer that also sought to demonise a minority (in this particular instance, Jewish people). Its editor, Julius Streicher, described Jews as sex offenders who were ‘violators of the innocent’ and ‘perpetrators of bizarre sex crimes’. So does this sound vaguely familiar Mr. Muhame...?
Der Stürmer too spared none of the lurid details of these alleged crimes and invariably published the names of those involved. However, shock-horror headlines, articles and accusations were rarely referenced to specific or reliable sources. This may also ring true Mr. Muhame? Incidentally, I’m given to believe that real Christians adhere to the tenet ‘you shall not bear false witness against your neighbour’. Ever heard of that one?
Hubris (and indeed nemesis) finally caught up with Herr Streicher at the Nuremberg trials. Prosecutors were of the opinion that he was guilty of inciting Germans to exterminate Jews. This made him an accessory to murder. He was found guilty and promptly hanged. (I assume Mr. Muhame doesn’t aspire to share such an unpleasant karma.)
It’s interesting to note that circulation of Der Stürmer reached 480,000 at its zenith compared with the pitiful figure of Rolling Stone that barely approached 2000. (Are there not performing dogs on Youtube that enjoy greater popularity?)
A LIVELY MASS-DEBATER
So what belies Muhame’s jaundiced perspective of humanity? The smoking gun is as apparent as it is abhorrent. This poor soul studied at Makerere University, a favoured destination for well-financed misanthrope preachers (artfully disguised as ‘Christians’). Among the central protagonists was Scott Lively, president of ‘Abiding Truth Ministries’.
In 2009, Lively led a vanguard of U.S. evangelical preachers into Uganda. Among their various acts of misinformation, they sought inculcate impressionable young minds with a hackneyed treatise concerning homosexuality. One of their assertions was that gay men were, ostensibly, preoccupied with buggering minors. Another preposterous theory argued that the ‘gay movement’ [?] was plotting to ‘defeat marriage-based society and replace it with a culture of sexual promiscuity’. Lively also propounded the notion that homosexuals could be ‘cured’ - which is pretty extraordinary…if not miraculous. It certainly encourages one in the hope that there may be a corresponding ‘miracle cure’ for total arseholes.
Obviously, ideas this repugnant represent something marginally less pleasant than a substance one might scrape from one’s shoe. But then Mr. Lively is widely regarded as a conspiracy theorist and revisionist historian, so talking crap represents his stock-in-trade. Furthermore, this hallelujah-hollering-hillbilly became so infuriated at being likened to a Nazi by his critics that he attempted to deflect censure by co-authoring a book that claimed Nazism was a gay conspiracy. Obviously, I wouldn’t wish to sully myself by acquiring such a discreditable tome (The Pink Swastika: Homosexuality in the Nazi Party) but I suspect the Amazon.com reviews speak volumes:
‘…a one-sided piece of far-right religious propaganda. Definitely not a piece of scholarly work as it cherry-picks and distorts the facts without presenting opposing points of view or providing proper historical citations.’ R. Erkert.
‘This book attempts to use smoke and mirrors to trick unsuspecting or prejudiced readers into accepting a completely biased and blatantly revisionist version of history.’ ‘Aeroefie’ (Middleburg VA, USA.)
‘Nonsense wrapped in conspiracy theory.’ S. Smeets (Utrecht, The Netherlands).
Jon David Wyneken, an Associate Professor of History at Grove City College (PhD in Modern German history 1933-1955) went further:
‘…he does no original research in primary archival documents; meaning, he has not examined the thousands of documents available on these subjects for himself.’
And:
‘…responsible historians tend to cast a skeptical and cautious eye on any historical conclusions that appear reductionist, monocausal, and polemical in their conclusions. In particular, books that use historical topics to score contemporary political points.’
Further:
‘While lessons can and should be drawn from history, these are not nearly as easy to arrive at as many (especially Lively, it seems) think.’
Clearly, Lively disagrees with mainstream academia and has convinced himself that Hitler and his cronies were part of a homosexual conspiracy. Wow, this must be one of Mr. Lively’s ‘abiding truths’... I mean could anyone look at footage of the Nuremburg Rallies again and not think ‘screaming queens’? Oh heavens - that’s not goose-stepping, it’s an impersonation of the Twirling Corps Majorettes! And maybe, Mr. Lively, the Holocaust was simply one of Hitler’s hissy-fits because he preferred his men ‘uncut’? Ah, but what of the estimated 300,000 gays that the Nazis had killed and tortured? Who were they then - spurned lovers possibly?
So what else might we expect from this great visionary of our age? Allow me to suggest some further ‘potboilers’ for Mr. Lively’s series:
The studded Ankh - Rather than being an exotic siren and seductress of the Nile valley, Cleopatra was in fact a flange-munching lesbian who employed her asp to commit unspeakable acts on handmaidens.
The crinoline hammer and sickle - Joseph Stalin wasn’t really a paranoid sociopath but rather a renowned cross-dresser who recruited a secret society of fellow ‘trannies’ in order to affect a world take over. A dastardly plot was hatched to coerce fine upstanding Christian men into high heels, micro-skirts and pantyhose.
The bent scimitar – Although Genghis Khan appeared to be a Mongolian pugilist, all the manly bravado was merely a pose. Incontrovertible evidence now points towards a secret life as a limp-wristed, flannel-wearing aesthete novelist from Oxford.
But finally Mr. Lively, genteel society might like to brace itself for your ultimate literary tour de force:
The brown bulldog – A jaw-dropping exposé proving unequivocally that Winston Churchill was an unabashed coprophile whose shit-gobbling hoards swarmed into Normandy in order to liberate fellow turd-burglars from the clutches of fanatical Germanic enema fetishists.
GOBBLING UP SEAMEN
Giles Muhame, like his svengali-like mentor Scott Lively, appears to be on a voyage of vengeance. Like some latter-day Ahab**, he is obsessed by the pursuit of a fabled homosexual leviathan. Seeking it out, whatever ruinous fate might befall the innocent or the orphaned. Yet, what drives a man to such loathing? What compels this mania to lunge blindly at the inscrutable malice of ‘gay conspiracy’? Does Muhame dare to tear away that despised paste-board mask…gaze into the eyes of abomination?
…Does he dare confront his own chimeral reflection?
* Quote attributed to the Duke of Wellington.
** From Moby Dick, by Herman Melville.
QUOTE OF THE DAY: ‘You [the English] wisely threw out your Calvinist witch hunters 400 years ago but they landed in the U.S. and have never gone away.’ Armistead Maupin (novelist).
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In Publish and be Damned - part II, I hope to post a short story, ‘The Buboes’. It's a bawdy satire, set in somewhat less than salubrious surroundings. The tale will feature a character that may remind the reader (vaguely) of Giles Muhame - coincidence, of course...
Thanks for reading.
© Edwin Black
