Apologies for this odious nugget. A doggerel expelled in the general direction of US myth-making and aggrandisement. Reminiscent, perhaps, of Butt Pancaster's classic Western - Bumfight at the Arse-Spray Canal... 

A (f)artwork that trumps for itself hopefully. My references to 'Perry' are a play on words regarding the medical term, 'peristalsis'. Which was, naturally, the bodily action inspiring Beethoven's first movement...


How the West was Won
(a historical shitewash)

Known as 'The Bumslinger'
he moseys on into town
A passing shot at Turdville church
(Propriety in meltdown)

Even sheriff craps himself
Just like William Tell
Stetson shot clean off his head
A bullseye with a smell

All the hookers shat their sperm
And card sharks start to cower
As Perry struts into the salon
That brown eye filled with glower

Ole’ Bill Hickok was no compare
When matched against our Perry;
That clagnut cannon slayed a man;
bespattered him in slurry!

There was but one challenger
Perry Junior arose
Not averse to shooting crap
Or getting up one’s nose

He cocked his smaller firearm
And sashayed to the bar
Anus hissing foul complaint
against his provocateur

Perry sidled up to him
‘Asshole’ he thus spoke
Jr Perry raised glass and arse
(while patrons they did choke)

‘Who d’you think you’re foolin’?’
sneered Junior in jest,
'Sippin’ at your baked bean cocktail -
Fuelling up yo’ fart-fest'

‘Goddam, you’re an asshole’,
Perry glared as then he winked her
(A slut walked past with coquettish charms)
So he shot one from the sphincter

Patience to the limit
Protagonists made their stand
The shite flying left and right
quite literally, hit the fan

Thus, the final showdown
descending into brawl
Turds unleashed willy-nilly
and squelching on the wall

Perry and his Junior
True heroes of the bum
That shit storm which erupted
was how the West was won